


Answers

by TitansRule



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Reunion, Romance, Season/Series 07, TIVA - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 00:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5144198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TitansRule/pseuds/TitansRule
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Reunion. Ziva talks to Tony about Somalia and wonders - what questions did he mean when he advised her against asking them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Answers

“What did you mean?”

Her voice was quiet, almost timid, and he once again cursed Salim and his men for whatever they had done to turn his Ziva into the broken shell of a woman he saw before him.

“When?” Tony thought back to their conversation in the bathroom – it was the first real conversation they’d had since Somalia; she had to be talking about that.

Looking back, he wished he’d have stayed, ignored the sudden strike of inspiration. But, if he’d done that, they would never have solved the case, he knew.

His first thought when Ziva had appeared outside his door had been that things could finally get back to the way they had been, but her hushed question had been the first time either of them spoke in an hour.

“In … In Somalia.” Ziva elaborated, not meeting his eyes.

Tony moved from the opposite end of the couch to sit on the coffee table opposite her, hearing the pain in her voice. “I said a lot of things in Somalia, Zi.”

The ghost of a smile flickered on her face at the name and he was suddenly painfully aware of how long it had been since he had called her that, since he had felt he was allowed to call her that.

“You said that you were under truth serum, so if there were any questions I did _not_ want to know the answers to …” Ziva trailed off just as he had. “What did you mean?”

Tony sighed. “There were a lot of unresolved issues between us, Ziva. Still are, really. But then and there wasn’t the time to get into them.”

Ziva nodded silently. “Tony, can you pretend you are back under truth serum for a few minutes? I have several questions I do not want to know the answer to.”

Tony hesitated. Some questions, he knew, he would be able to answer truthfully and without hesitation. But others … he didn’t want to cause her any more pain and he knew that was why she wanted him to pretend he had no choice but to respond. “Alright.”

“Why did you go to my apartment that night?”

Tony was surprised that was her first question. “You know that, Ziva. I wanted to talk to you about …”

Ziva held up a hand, cutting him off. “That is not what I meant, Tony. You had evidence that I was betraying you. Why did you come to me and not go to Vance?”

“Because you’re my partner.” Tony answered. “I know you better than that, Zi; I knew something else had to be going on.”

“How much damage did he do to your shoulder?” Ziva asked then.

Tony flinched, but one look at her face and he knew he couldn’t lie to her. “It was bad. Little bit worse and I’d have had to find a new career.” He smiled at her in an attempt to lighten the mood, but failed miserably. “I was thinking maybe a chef; I could open an Italian restaurant.”

“I very nearly made it that little bit worse, yes?” Ziva guessed.

Tony hesitated. “Yes. But you didn’t.” He added hastily. “I’m fine. See?” He shrugged his shoulder to prove his point.

“Why did you volunteer to get yourself captured if you thought I was dead?” Ziva finally met his gaze. “By the time Gibbs was in position, you could have been killed.”

“I didn’t really care by that point.” Tony admitted quietly. “I told you, Ziva, I couldn’t live without you.”

To his surprise, he caught sight of unshed tears sparkling in her eyes, before she stood. “I am sorry I put you through all that, Tony.”

“Ziva, it’s not your fault!” Tony protested, getting to his feet as well. “You can’t possibly think this is your fault!”

“Maybe not.” Ziva agreed a little shakily. “But I was not an innocent victim in this.”

Tony closed his eyes for a second, took a deep breath and listed all the people he wanted to kill for making her feel like this. “You missed a few questions, Ziva.” When he opened his eyes, she was standing by the door, but had turned to face him with an inquiring expression

“I did?”

Tony nodded, reaching her side and leaning against his front door. “Uh huh. I’m still under truth serum, remember? And these were the questions I was talking about. I hadn’t considered the others.”

Maybe he was under some kind of truth serum. He couldn’t remember talking – or being willing to talk – this candidly with a woman since … well, best not bring that up now.

Slowly, Tony reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from her face. In the past, it had been an instinctive act and had only had a negative effect once, after the shooting, but this was different; he could see the trepidation in her eyes as his hand touched her face and resisted the urge to pull her into his arms and just make that fear go away.

“I shot him in self-defence.” He whispered. “But I never denied that I was jealous.”

“Why?” Ziva asked in the same tone.

“Question Number One. Because I was.” Tony admitted. “That’s why I made such a big deal out of whether you were seeing someone in Israel or not. After that conversation we had on the Seahawk … I thought we had something before the team split up – we never said it, but it was there – and then suddenly you’re telling me that you’d rather have stayed in …”

“That is not what I said.” Ziva interrupted, her eyes flashing with annoyance. “When I said about not liking orders, I had changed the subject; I was talking about you. Not me.”

Tony sighed. If only Gibbs hadn’t walked in at that moment, if only he had pressed for an explanation, if only …  “Question Number Two. Did I ever, for a minute, blame you for how you reacted in Tel Aviv?”

“Did you?” Ziva prompted, her voice catching a little.

“No.” Tony stated bluntly. “For the same reason as Question Number Three. _Why_ can’t I live without you? Why didn’t I just move on when Gibbs told us you were dead?” He hesitated, but there was no going back now. “I love you, Ziva. I don’t know when and I don’t know how. But I fell so deep that life without you seemed pointless. I didn’t care if I lived or died and then you were there and alive and …”

“How?” Ziva whispered. “How can you love me? I have killed people – I threatened to kill _you_!”

“A lot of people threaten to kill me, Ziva; it’s part of my natural charm.” Tony joked. “I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that made me fall in love with you, Ziva; I’d never stop talking. I love the way you won’t back down from a fight. I love the way you don’t take crap from anyone. I love the way you’re the only person who’ll stand up to Gibbs when he’s being a bastard. I love the way you know me better than anyone else. I love the way you’re not afraid to say exactly what you’re thinking. I love the way you always mess up your idioms.” He cracked a smile. “It doesn’t hurt that you’re extremely gorgeous, of course.”

“Tony …” Ziva bit her lip and he gave a small sigh, knowing her well enough to know that she was thinking deeply about something, too deeply. “I love you too, but …”

“No.” Tony’s hand moved from the side of her face to rest lightly on her mouth. “No buts.”

“What about Rule 12?” Ziva murmured against his hand.

“Ah, Question Number Four.” Tony slipped his hand round to the back of her head. “Some rules were made to be broken.” He brushed a feather-light kiss against her lips. “They’re more like guidelines anyway.”

“I cannot lose you too, Tony.” Ziva breathed, resting her forehead against his.

Tony pulled her closer, wrapping an arm around her waist, cradling her against him. This was the first time he could remember her letting down all her defences in front of him, or anyone else for that matter. “I’m not going anywhere, Ziva. I promise.”

Her only response was to return his embrace, grasping the back of his shirt, and he tightened his hold a little, walking with her back over to the couch to settle down with her in his arms. He knew what she was worried about. He knew she was afraid of being unable to stay at NCIS, of being forced to return to Israel.

It scared him too, but he promised as he held her that he wouldn’t let that happen. He wasn’t letting her go.

Not again.


End file.
